i am ever so longing to blabble abt stuff tht i used to blabble abt here... T_T huu need to

concentrate!

3 months to go!!!then you'll have all the time in the world to blabble abt every single thing u can blabble on until you run out things to blabble about! :)
pray i stay strong!

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3 insignificant facts

-i am hungry and its 12.19 in the morning [somebody commented today tht i look a bit chubbier- hahah, nih mengikot si faheem kot; like kakak like adik ^^]

-i've got class tomorrow :s [pray tht i dont doze off during class]

-i actually hv no specific topic to write abt

so there.. huu this is so sad

ok, so lets do an update on faheem :) my little sunshine [ala2 teletubbies gitu]

he now weighs 8 kg and my arms get the shakes after carrying him around for a prolongued period of time [try carrying a 5kg rice bag around, its somewhat like tht]. he's supposed to be able to roll over by now but he cant coz the problem is he hates to lie down. the only time he lies down is when he's sleeping :D so due to that fact, he seldom gets the chance to even try n roll over. he can sit though, but needs to be surrounded (360 degrees) by pillows coz he's still not that stable... many small accidents hv occured where he fell flat on his back, fell sideways on his face n fell forwards as well.. hoho poor adek..what else.. yeah, he's now starting to eat semi solid food... biscuit, nestum n etc. but we're all actually worried abt allowing him to eat those kind of food coz who knows how much weight he'll put on..

so among my holiday activites were babysitting :) heheh... so.. dh bole jd kakak mithali?

err... maybe kene cuti 10 minggu br boley terrer kot

but i certainly know tht my arm muscles hv at least expanded after working out with carrying adek around jusco :P

seriously i dont know how my mom copes with looking after him

n mlm2 adek ske jd batman gak, kjap bangun kjap tdo... before this when my mom was during her pantang, cm okeyla coz eventhough she has to stay up at night caring for faheem, in the morning slalu they'd qadha' tido bersama2, so comel... but now she has to work during the day but adek still wakes up during the middle of the night [infact, i think he's most hyperactive during night :)]

aku yg cukup tdo pon boley tersengguk2 dlm kelas T_T

kind of amazed at her strength :) 

 "And We have commanded man to be good towards parents; his mother bore him with hardship, and delivered him with hardship; and carrying him and weaning him is for thirty months; until when he * reached maturity and became forty years of age, he said, “My Lord! Inspire me to be thankful for the favours you bestowed upon me and my parents, and that I may perform the deeds pleasing to You"

having a little brother when you're older allows you to actually see for yourself how much u burden your parents when u were a helpless little baby! ur mom has to stay up half the night, put up with the wailing n screaming, n care for ur every need (from feeding to cleaning) kind of like parasite la pulak.. they get nothing in return from us, other thn exhaustion :)

that kinds of explain why it is totally inappropate for us to even say anything showing dislike as stated in the quran... mcm kcg lupekn kulit.. imagine if our parents didnt care for us like they did, we must be voiceless (sbb xde org nk lyn bile melalak kuat2 :D), really skinny (sbb x cukup zat besi, x dpt makan) and etc.

so once we're all grown up like now (heheh, kire grown up jgak ah neykan) dont get put off too quickly if ur parents do something tht's against ur liking... just remember how much patient they were when looking after you when you were small n screaming :D 

"may adek grow up to be a soleh child ;) who'll look after umi n abah n also her sister"

n may her sister grow up to be the same too :)

the school holiday is passing by fast :S

need a distraction, real bad...
 
T_T

im not sure whether wht im gonna spill out is actually appropriate or not...

either way, it just torture, kay?
[haha, sorry for being emo, im a girl ok? it in my job description]

ok, so the truth is, i've not really gotten over the debate finals back in april... [trying my best not to type out the real competition name- god i do not want ppl finding this through search engines]

i know people have been saying tht i should be grateful tht we made it through to the finals [even though didnt win it] but wht im stressed out abt isnt really on the fact tht we didnt win, but bcoz i felt tht i sucked :) i dont care (99% of my heart-lah ;P) tht we didnt win, but im a bit dissapointed tht we didnt perform tht well... [to be honest, OVERWHELMINGly dissapointed] eventhough there were no direct as in straight in the face criticism from others commenting tht we sucked, i know tht i actually did ****...

T_T arr.... its soo complicated lah, what is the problem with people huh? whether you win or you lose, things are still complicated... [when u lose, ppl say u deserve it coz u suck, but once u start winning, ppl suddenly say tht u actually dont deserve it coz u suck- durh, mr speaker u r contradicting your own points] :) i know tht lots of ppl said tht we sucked, and sadly [or shld i put it 'sombrely' to make it more dramatic like dan does :P] deep down i definitely agree with them, mr speaker...

sometimes, it reaches to the extent tht i get these 'debate attacks' [heheh, tht's wht i've been calling 'em] images of the final debate suddenly overflows my head then i start talking to myself, adding new points- the ones tht i shouldve said during the real finals... its kind of like epilepsy, coz its sudden n sometimes occurs at unappropriate times, but instead of the body, it really hurts the emotions.. haha.. call me crazy, but wait till you try and feel wht its like...

i know tht we couldve done much much better, and tht's wht is bothering me so much- the fact tht we didnt.. sometimes it actually feels like uve scribbled charcoal over your school's dignity... lalalaa..... maybe this is the effect of limelight, it blurs your logic and rationality, paralysing ur ability to think straight and see the issues clearly... now i undestand why celebrities do such insane things....

*i am now in a state of ____________ tht i do not know how to react*

God, give me the strength to move on... :)

sometimes it feels like im already over it, but then the debate attacks come and tht odd and unpleasant feeling comes again... and I had to be so thick tht i searched in google of comments from other school kids abt us on their blogs [ive been hearing from amnah, fahna n others- decided to see for myself] and lets just say, it is really ********* tht you wanna chew their ear off but then you also wanna admit tht they're kind of right :S

to dalila, amnah n athira,
if u guys r reading this, dont get me wrong k, this isnt a blaming  process or summit, it just me with my stupid self-conflict issue tht i myself created into a mountain when its just a molehill...
fyi, this is something tht i am really good at, creating non-exisiting problem tht seem reaally big
...........................................

referring back to the first sentence:
that is why i need a distraction

:)


so i took a colour test [which kinds of analyses ur personality]
hoho, the results:











some of the statements are just simply bizzarre and hilarious, but some also hit me right in the head... i just cant stand the charm part n the hectic intensity bit.. ^^ imagine me, trying to charm everyone by doing this every time i meet someone: